Cheating is one thing in a relationship that I expect most people dread, bar a few people who trust their partners unconditionally. But for the majority of us who haven’t found our true soul mate, are just starting out in a new relationship, or dating someone who previously wasn’t all good, we have a niggle that makes us paranoid about our other half finding someone better.
Some of us however remain oblivious, not really thinking that being cheated on could happen to us. We also don’t think we could be capable of cheating, a lot of us say we would never do that.. But then we do and are full of regret.
I have never cheated, the concept used to make me feel sick and wonder how anyone could possibly do it, the thought never crossed my mind. I however, can see how it’s done if you’re not in a happy relationship. I was with someone because he was interested in me, I liked him a lot, don’t get me wrong, but at the time there was someone I’d much rather be with, but couldn’t. So I tried to move on. When I went on a trip to see my best friend I met up with that guy, the temptation to try to be with him was big. But I thought of my boyfriend back home, and thought that I couldn’t do that to him, I’m not that person. No good would have come out of it if I had cheated, my boyfriend would have been hurt, I wouldn’t be able to be with ‘that’ guy either. So I resisted temptation, which brings me to my other point, you can stop yourself, no matter how much you want to do it. You choose to cheat, it doesn’t ‘just happen’, it is a conscious decision.
When I got home after my trip, I texted my boyfriend, he was away too, I’d not heard from him much.. Which was odd. Although we gave each other space, we’d only been going out 3 weeks, so still independent, and taking it slow. I thought he was okay with taking it slow. Until I found out that he had slept with my best friend at the time. When I found out, I was nearly sick, I couldn’t believe it. I know I wasn’t in love with him, but I could have been, I was incredibly fond of him, we had a lot in common and conversation flowed, not to mention the physical attraction.
One of the worst things was, I found out by overhearing a conversation. He didn’t have the balls to tell me, nor did my best friend. Both cowards. I felt like I had been cheated on twice over, once by my boyfriend and 2nd by my best friend. What was going through their minds I’ll never know. He came crawling, saying he never meant it to happen, that he and her had feelings for each other for a while, that it wasn’t just for sex. Well when their sexual encounters only lasted a couple of weeks, I knew it was a lie. I wasn’t ready to go all the way with him after 3 weeks, I was close and if he had been respectful, then it would have been fine. But it shows that he didn’t really care. He was one of those men, he knew how to turn the charm on to get girls into bed, but unfortunately for him, I wasn’t one of those girls, being hurt many times before I had my head screwed on and was determined to save myself until the time was right. I’m a ballsy person, and when I say no.. I mean no. There’s no changing my mind, so the sweet talk and charm may have got me to go out with him, but I had the feeling deep down, that something wasn’t right, that he wasn’t being sincere.
I don’t know what was more painful, being cheated on in my first real relationship.. Or my best friend cheating with him. I think it was pretty equal. It was a friendship that I couldn’t rebuild either, and I cut strings to both him and her, the trust was destroyed. Because I know how easily cheating can be, doesn’t mean they get a free ticket. They consciously did it, they barely felt any sincere guilt afterwards. I came into contact with them a week later, finding out that he had cheated with another girl too. Both him and my friend decided to try to talk to me normally, call me by my nicknames, safe to say that did not go well. I just simply ignored them and rose above it. As tempting as it would be to have shouted, abused and maybe even slapped them, it wasn’t actually worth it.
Being cheated on is one of the most painful things, it’s hard to get over, and it doesn’t help keep your trust in any guy or friend. But you have to remember that not everyone is the same, if you have a bad feeling about it, there’s a 90% chance that your gut instinct is right. Having said that don’t over analyse everything, because you could push your partner away. Never do anything if your partner is pressuring you, even if it means you’d keep them for longer, that isn’t how a relationship should be.
So if you have been cheated on, you’ll be fine, trust will be hard to build again, but that honest and lovely guy is just around the corner, don’t shut yourself off for too long or you might miss him. It’s been around 9 months since that happened and for me it was just another experience and lesson learned for the future. I know to stick to my morals and if he can’t handle it, then he isn’t the guy for me. So keep strong and be happy!
Melody
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