The Friend Code

29 Jan

Most girls and guys should know about this. The code that is made between friends that sets boundaries and lines that you must not cross in order to keep your friend happy and your friendship intact. It seems that this code has been around for years, I’ve not known anything different when it comes to how you treat friends, this sometimes leaves me wondering if this is just a brain wash routine, one of those conforming situations. By this I mean, you feel you have to act in a certain way because of this ‘code’ but if it didn’t exist, would code breakers really get such a hard time? Realistically, how controlling should the barriers be? This is one of those opinionated blogs of mine.. You’re welcome to say your side!

Some of the main ideas of the code that have been transferred into my mind (and that I can recall at the moment), in regards to relationships are some of the following:

  • Never date your friend’s ex.
  • Never go out with the guy your friend likes, when she liked him first.
  • No dating your friend’s brother.
  • If your friend gets rejected, do not go out with him.

    All sounds pretty straight forward.. Until you fall for that guy. Maybe a lot of girls do, maybe it’s because he’s out-of-bounds, it spices things up a bit, creates a bit of danger.
    I have broken code 2 and I guess 4, in a way. Although the situation was a bit toned down, she liked him, kind of, but she liked a lot of other guys too. He showed an interest in me, and asked me out, but before I said anything I went and spoke to my friend. She insisted she was fine about it, but she wasn’t.. But I went ahead with it anyway. I turned a bit rebellious, who was she to dictate who I can and can’t go out with? It’s a bit unfair. I think if he was the one she was really wanting, I wouldn’t cross the line. Weeks into the relationship all I had been feeling was guilt, even though if I was her, I wouldn’t have been bothered. My thing is, what if he was the one? What if I’d let it go just because my friend couldn’t accept something. I’m not one to miss out on chances anymore, which doesn’t always bode well for me. Our friendship didn’t fall apart, she hasn’t always forgiven me, even though she never admits it, she makes ‘jokey’ comments towards it, even though I know it’s meant in seriousness. I will never cross that line again, by not putting myself in the situation where I can meet the guy. The same thing happened to her a 2nd time a few months ago, but even worse… Realising how upset she genuinely was, she is definitely one of those people who is effected by it, I will respect that boundary.

    Initially I think, I would react the same way, it’s a huge betrayal if a friend goes off with a guy you like. But then, I think, what are my actual feelings on that? I feel being angry is just something that you think you should feel. I might be a little upset, but if she came to me before acting on it, then it would be okay. Sneaking around with him for a month and then telling me, it would feel like she was trying to avoid my reaction, which would only make worse.

    I’m not going to go through every point there. But my opinion? I think if you like the guy, and I mean truly like him, you MUST speak to your friend first. Explain to her your feelings, that you don’t want to hurt your friendship. Ask her why she’d be upset, don’t just let her generalise it. I think your friend needs to have valid reasons that isn’t jealousy. I think people overreact initially and don’t think about why it is actually annoying them. I think this friend code should be put to sleep, it varies among people. In the end friendship means standing by your friend through everything and being able to be open without judgment. Honesty is always the best policy and everyone makes mistakes.

    What is your opinion on the friend code?



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