The Friend Code

Most girls and guys should know about this. The code that is made between friends that sets boundaries and lines that you must not cross in order to keep your friend happy and your friendship intact. It seems that this code has been around for years, I’ve not known anything different when it comes to how you treat friends, this sometimes leaves me wondering if this is just a brain wash routine, one of those conforming situations. By this I mean, you feel you have to act in a certain way because of this ‘code’ but if it didn’t exist, would code breakers really get such a hard time? Realistically, how controlling should the barriers be? This is one of those opinionated blogs of mine.. You’re welcome to say your side!

Some of the main ideas of the code that have been transferred into my mind (and that I can recall at the moment), in regards to relationships are some of the following:

• Never date your friend’s ex.
• Never go out with the guy your friend likes, when she liked him first.
• No dating your friend’s brother.
• If your friend gets rejected, do not go out with him.

  All sounds pretty straight forward.. Until you fall for that guy. Maybe a lot of girls do, maybe it’s because he’s out-of-bounds, it spices things up a bit, creates a bit of danger.
  I have broken code 2 and I guess 4, in a way. Although the situation was a bit toned down, she liked him, kind of, but she liked a lot of other guys too. He showed an interest in me, and asked me out, but before I said anything I went and spoke to my friend. She insisted she was fine about it, but she wasn’t.. But I went ahead with it anyway. I turned a bit rebellious, who was she to dictate who I can and can’t go out with? It’s a bit unfair. I think if he was the one she was really wanting, I wouldn’t cross the line. Weeks into the relationship all I had been feeling was guilt, even though if I was her, I wouldn’t have been bothered. My thing is, what if he was the one? What if I’d let it go just because my friend couldn’t accept something. I’m not one to miss out on chances anymore, which doesn’t always bode well for me. Our friendship didn’t fall apart, she hasn’t always forgiven me, even though she never admits it, she makes ‘jokey’ comments towards it, even though I know it’s meant in seriousness. I will never cross that line again, by not putting myself in the situation where I can meet the guy. The same thing happened to her a 2nd time a few months ago, but even worse… Realising how upset she genuinely was, she is definitely one of those people who is effected by it, I will respect that boundary.

  Initially I think, I would react the same way, it’s a huge betrayal if a friend goes off with a guy you like. But then, I think, what are my actual feelings on that? I feel being angry is just something that you think you should feel. I might be a little upset, but if she came to me before acting on it, then it would be okay. Sneaking around with him for a month and then telling me, it would feel like she was trying to avoid my reaction, which would only make worse.

  I’m not going to go through every point there. But my opinion? I think if you like the guy, and I mean truly like him, you MUST speak to your friend first. Explain to her your feelings, that you don’t want to hurt your friendship. Ask her why she’d be upset, don’t just let her generalise it. I think your friend needs to have valid reasons that isn’t jealousy. I think people overreact initially and don’t think about why it is actually annoying them. I think this friend code should be put to sleep, it varies among people. In the end friendship means standing by your friend through everything and being able to be open without judgment. Honesty is always the best policy and everyone makes mistakes.

  What is your opinion on the friend code?

  Melody

“I love you” The most overrated phrase in the human language?

In my opinion, yes. The actual emotion and feeling of love, I don’t think is overrated, it is an amazing feeling when you have it. But those three words, I just, I have quite a strong opinion on them.

Why are they overrated? Well, because they are just words. Maybe a long time ago they weren’t overrated, but I just feel like nowadays they are thrown about a bit too much. They get said like they mean nothing, they get said so quickly to new friends or partners, that 9 times out of 10 you can’t possibly love, or be in love with them THAT quick, you don’t know them. ‘I love you’ only works for me if it is said once in a while, because then it feels honest. Having it said to me every few minutes just makes it feel too.. Easy. It’s so hard to explain really, I know what I mean. I think love is supposed to be a strong emotion, an emotion that has so much control over you, it scares you, so admitting your love should be hard. I think too many people use those words to get out of difficult situations, for example if they’ve done wrong and you’ve found out, or it’s just a guilty conscience, maybe if you sweeten the other person with those words first they will forgive you easily. And what about when you just say you love someone to keep the peace? What about when people use those words as a weapon to make you feel bad. People get so offended when they say ‘I love you’ and you don’t reply, maybe because you don’t or because you’re like me, you don’t say it often, people like your friends and partners should know it. I rarely say ‘I love you’ first, I only say it back if I feel I mean it. I used to be that person that said it all the time, saying when situations got bad, in the hope they would fix everything. They never did.

When it comes to relationships I believe that actions do speak louder than words. By relationships I mean all of them, from friendships, to family members to the partner. If you want to show someone you care deeply, do something they will appreciate. They’ll realise you thought about it, thought about what you like. It shows they care without just blurting out words.

This is a short blog.. I initially had in my mind exactly what I wanted to write, but when it came down to it, emitting what I wanted to say across became a whole lot harder.

Melody.

Existence of Soul Mates

I’ve always tried to be a positive person and although I can be a friendly, chatty person I can also be very hidden about emotions. Positive that is until perhaps it comes to love. Does true love really exist? Am I really just a major big fantasist when it comes to expectations in relation to the age old perhaps myth of a soulmate? What is your definition of a soulmate? Someone who is your twin flame, your other half, the person that makes you complete. But in reality does it really exist? and perhaps if it does exist maybe not everyone meets their soulmate or things can happen out of your control that forces you to part. Sad things can happen in life unfortunately. After all some people do end up alone.

You can be complete without a soulmate as such right? and how do you even know you’ve met the one? Apparently according to definition it is someone of which you are in complete natural affinity with and two people who have met due to fate or destiny. If you lose a soulmate it is like having a missing piece of say a body part, like losing an arm….that’s what some say or is that just over exaggerated? I have always wanted to believe in a soulmate, guess I’m a bit of a secret romantic behind the easy-going, care-free nature. In reality I take love seriously and I think I would love deeply and have loyalty of the highest nature. Guess it’s different for different people and some people don’t really care or over-think it, I think they just see a partner as a partner and don’t take love so seriously. Probably would say the whole soulmate idea is a pile of crap. Same with everything with people having different opinions but what is your opinion?

Weirdly though I am also a very independent person and crave to have my own personal space without being completely open and honest with people or completely trustworthy. I think that is perhaps because people always let you down so how would one person change your perception of that. After all there is so many single parent families around right now and so many divorces and break-ups that it makes you question does love really have standing power? Therefore the soulmate perception might be wrong after all, soulmates shouldn’t break up if they are meant to be together… Perhaps going back to what I previously said though is that people don’t always meet their soulmate as perhaps they don’t want to be alone and settle for less. I for one will never be that person and to be honest I would prefer to be alone and set the high standard and if it isn’t meant I can be happy with my independent self.  The problem perhaps with those that settle for anyone or someone that they get on fine with is that they know they have enough to be happy and it’s fine. But it’s not the perfect relationship, not the person they thought they wanted to end up with but they are in it with commitment now and there isn’t enough reasons to leave even if they wanted to. After all they are probably scared of being alone and settle for second best as they don’t believe there is anyone else out there better for them, perhaps that is a lack of self confidence on their part? Also it would get more complicated with children being involved and therefore it would be living up to family expectations and responsibilities so you would just end up settling into family life…Then the problem that might arise for this so called person is that they do meet their ‘soulmate’ but they are already committed and therefore can’t be together because of responsibilities. Bit of tragic love story huh? but I reckon these situations do happen because they are so rushed into settling down, following the orders of a traditional life that in the end they won’t end up being completely happy and left with a question of ‘what if?’. I don’t know because I’ve never been in that situation but I’ve seen situations like this happen. Also sometimes they might meet each other again in the end? as soulmates are meant to be destined to be together, perhaps people that are destined will find each other again in the end. I’m sounding like a soppy git here….maybe I’ve been watching too many Hollywood movies? Also soulmates can meet in life like previously stated and can be parted through natural tragedy such as earthquakes, floods, fires etc. That’s just a part of life where disaster and tragedy can happen as not everything has a happy ending.

So how do you recognise your soul mate? It is simply love at first sight where you have an immediate connection the moment you meet. Have you ever met your perfect partner?, do you believe you are with your soulmate? How did you meet and how exactly do you realise that the person is ‘the one’? Is the connection so strong that you are drawn to them more in a way than you have ever been before? I recently read a story online about two people who started dating when they were in their twenties and little did they know that they had known each other at birth. Their mums had gone to maternity class together and even went to each other’s 1st birthday and their mums noticed the familiarity. They had stated how they felt they had met each other before and how they were destined. In their mind it was the evidence that soulmates existed in the way they had met each other again years later and felt they had met the one…I would love to hear your soulmate story and your opinion of it’s existence if this is a topic you have thought of and debated before. Right now I don’t think I have met my soulmate and I do worry I never will and be one of those unlucky people that don’t or miss their chance. I would hate to think back on the ‘one that got away’ though which is another age old phrase where there has been many stories of people who think they missed their chance and will never find someone who was that matched for them again…

Sorry for the depressing love vibe here guys….

By Harmony

Friends or Partner?

This is almost like the personality vs looks. I believe everyone tries to have an equal relationship with their partner and friends, in the sense that nothing changes with the friends.. At all. As easy as it sounds to achieve this, it generally isn’t the case, not in the first few months at least.

Gaining a boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter, is probably one of the most exciting things. They may be a completely new person in your life, or maybe if it is an old friend, you’re going to be discovering new things, things you don’t with friends. That’s the great thing about new relationships, they’re fun, interesting and they just add something into your life that makes you happy! Most people I believe, therefore, spend a lot more time with their new other half  in the first months, unintentionally spending less time with their friends. I was one of those, to the point I lost nearly all my friends, I got isolated, but back to the point. I used to think however that my friends would understand, being in relationships themselves.. But I guess a lot didn’t.
I was a bit of a hypocrite, when my friends got boyfriends and disappeared, I didn’t give them much of a chance. I didn’t mind less time, it was more that the time I did spend with them.. Was spent talking about their new partner, sucks if you’re single! I think if you want to spend more time with your partner, make time with your friends and certainly don’t talk about him or her when you see them. Make it like it always was, then there will be no reason for conflict or jealousy.

So what happens if you fall quickly in love with your partner, and you start losing all your friends..? Maybe they butt heads, your partner or friends make you choose. I always thought about what I’d do in this situation, if I found who I thought to be my soul mate, love of my life etc, and for some reason my friends got jealous. Now I’m talking on from that, what if my boyfriend and I decided to move in together, maybe 200 miles away. What if my friends couldn’t understand? Some people will say that friends are for life and boys come and go, some will go straight for their partner.  This is going to be quite an interesting answer from my point of view. I agree, that friends are incredibly important, you need them there when things go all wrong, but they wouldn’t be true friends if they held you back from something you believed in.. Friends are supposed to believe in you, right? That is one thing I’d say to them, along with, ‘I choose my partner’. However, if my partner was the one making me choose, I’d choose my friends, I’d instantly feel controlled. I guess it all depends on the reasons, and who is deploying the choice, things aren’t black & white in the world I live in.

I would never make a friend pick me or her partner, even if I disagreed on some level, I would never want to lose their friendship. I’d want to be there incase everything fell apart, there’s nothing worse in the world to realise you’re alone.

I also would say, listen to the opinions of your closest friends, they do you know you, they may be seeing something you’re not. Just take it into consideration, think it through, maybe be completely honest with yourself. Sometimes in relationships I believe people wear those rose-tinted glasses and surround themselves in a bubble, where everything is perfect.. When it is far from. I also think that a partner that tries to make you choose between him and your friends isn’t worth it, this is where I think you should stick with your true friends, you have been with them longer, if he truly respected you he would never do that.

In the end though, I’d probably always have one or two best friends that understand me and my choices completely, they are the ones who stay around, even if I move etc. I love friends, they give me freedom and keep me sane, but I would pick my boyfriend if reasons for concern weren’t legitimate or if my friends were really not being friends at all. I mean, they’ll get partners eventually and realise. In the end, your partner is the one you will spend your life with, in every way possible.
What do you readers think? Would you stand by your friends no matter what? Or would it be your partner? Would you make a friend pick between you or their partner?

Melody

Personality Vs Looks

The two most important things in a relationship. So which is more important? Well this is another question that can never be solely answered as it is a matter of opinion. My opinion? A little bit of both. I never knew how I felt on the subject until I tried it out, so to speak.

As a young teenager, I was definitely shallow! I think all young teenagers are though! I decided if I really liked someone purely based on their looks, although from 13-15 I was too shy to act on it. Just as I turned 16 I met the most aesthetically appealing guy, he was gorgeous. 5ft 10″ dark brown; almost black hair, tanned skin, very toned, piercing brown eyes, straight teeth.. I could go on, on the looks list he was a 8-9 in everyone’s books, 10 if he was your type. He was a 9/10 for me. Just.. Agh. I couldn’t believe my luck when he asked me out! My first boyfriend was going to be HIM! This was huge for me also, because my self-confidence was awful, I never saw myself as pretty. He was my first kiss, that will be in another blog.. We got on okay for the first few days, but it was like pulling teeth to get information out of him, when I finally did.. He was dull, no sense of humour and he liked to try to make me jealous to get me to do something he wanted, like go clubbing. At this point, I thought despite him being gorgeous, I NEED personality…
This is where I went completely in the opposite direction, being told that I was too picky made me choose one polar or the other, personality or looks, not both, you couldn’t have both, right?
I met a guy recently who I had great chemistry with, personality wise.. We could talk for quite a few hours, we could laugh and joke, it was just lovely. When we went out one night he got drunk beforehand, he then tried to get with me. Drunk or sober, I couldn’t ignore the fact I wasn’t physically attracted to him. Yes that is very shallow of me, and now I’m not ashamed to admit it. Nothing carried on with him.
It must be how your genetics are, maybe ways you are brought up, but some people can go purely on looks, others purely on personality. But for me, I want both, they don’t need to be perfect 10 in both ways, but they need to be attractive. I find that all looks are generally boring, or they are complete players. Guys with just the personality tend to be more shy and lack the self-confidence which makes them attractive. That’s just my opinion though!
I believe that guy for me is out there somewhere. I am not going to settle for anything less, which again, makes me sound pretty shallow and above everyone! I’m not above everyone, I am slightly shallow. I certainly don’t see myself as anywhere perfect, but I’ve come to accept that and just like me for me.. How cliché. I guess if I end up alone it’s all my own fault, but as I have stated before, I don’t need marriage, kids or even partnership to be happy, I would just enjoy having that person.
Although, I will say, personality doesn’t tend to go with age, looks do. Hence why equal is needed, you need the looks for the first attraction, the look that draws you into that person. The personality is required for the long haul, pretty eyes don’t work out arguments. In the end you want to wake up to your best friend, not just a piece of eye candy.

What are your opinions, readers out there? Looks, personality? Can you really have them both or is that just being too picky?

Melody

Cheating…from the other woman point of view

Right, should probably prepare myself for a bit of a backlash with this one…unlike Melody’s post this has been taken from a completely different perspective. I was the third party, the other woman, the unwelcome party in a relationship. The one that no one really has sympathy for and the one where people think you deserved to have got hurt and that karma will come back to haunt you.

I’m sadden to say I’ve been there…and I regret every part of it. It’s never something I intended to get involved in , affairs never are..expected. They can creep up on you and can start off as something pretty innocent. For me it started off as a friendship. Innocent flirting or so I convince myself. But sometimes friendship deepens even though you don’t intend it too but you find yourself wanting to speak more and more to this person…emotional begins physical and so on. You get attached and it becomes like a drug that’s pretty much the best descriptive I can give. You’re ignorant at the start and light-hearted with everything that is happening, convincing yourself ‘it will be fine, it’s harmless, we’re only friends’. Can honestly say now I was in denial.

It all started for me when I started work and it all started happening very, very quickly. It was pretty much only 2weeks in and it started…a bit of chat and we realised that we just well ‘clicked’. Cliche I know. We had mental physical chemistry, just drawn towards each other even though he wasn’t my usual ‘type’, older, more mature but I don’t know there was just something there pretty much instantly. We both later on described the same emotions of us meeting was ‘fate’, it all sounds really soppy I know…but hey we were convinced at the time that we were completely and utterly in love. Fools right? We just found out we got on really well and there was a mental chemistry as well as physical where we could speak for hours and hours about everything and anything and never ever got bored. Can honestly say that had never happened to me with anyone before (although being only 20 I guess that’s not unusual) but he said the same was on his side, that he had never encountered anyone he had enjoyed speaking to at lengths before. So friendship turned into a very close friendship, where we missed each other as soon as we had missed work and looked forward to heading into work. Then he started deepening it and very shortly it was becoming serious where he wanted it to be more physical…I was reluctant at first but slowly began to trust and open up to him. Very briefly though…as within a month I realised it had to stop as it was dangerous, could end up being awkward at work and that he a partner and kids to think of…(yes kids were also involved). I ended up feeling so guilty and horrible about myself and pretty much began to question my morals. I could understand why this guy was straying and why was he choosing me to stray with? I was this independent, care-free, fun loving woman completely different from his domestic life at home…maybe that’s why he did choose me? Anyway even after I ended it..he continued to pursue and continued to try and sleep with me, some might say he was perhaps ‘using me’? I don’t know or understand even now to be honest he kept on saying on how much he loved me….and how he saw me as being the one etc etc and all the other lines. We kinda got back into the affair…then left the affair again with a bit of finality this time. I told him that he had a lot to lose regarding his partner of 8 years and two small children and that he needed to at least sort things out with her if he ever wanted anything with me. I.e. leave her if that’s what he felt he wanted, he said that he ‘didn’t love her’ and was only ‘staying for the kids’. Massive moral dilemma I guess. But I said not to string us both along, to have a back bone and that if he wanted to stay with her that was cool and I understood and that it wouldn’t affect anything at work but I was adament it would all be fine. I NEVER thought he would leave her over what crept up so quick on us…I thought it was just a phase.

Then the unthinkable happened…..he left her. Phoned me/texted me and I met up with him. He told me it was all over and that he was sure about what he was doing. I tried the best I can to help him as he was in such a state then told me he needed to be by himself, with family or parents or whatever and not me until he sorted his head out. He went back to her Sunday night…and didn’t turn up on Monday as he said he needed time off to sort things out at home…So I thought okay I’ll leave it…hopefully it will be okay. We can be friends right? Of course our affair came out and I was labelled the adulterous woman, the evil one and the one that was destroying a family and babies lives…some of you reading this probably think this is the case as well. I don’t blame you. I feel terrible about my involvement in of all this major drama that happened that has shook so many lives. So I ended up numerous phone calls and texts as they found my number. First from the woman’s sister giving me nasty abuse and then from her ‘the woman’ herself which I shall call Caroline for the sake of alias. I apologised and how I really wish it hadn’t all happened and that I know sorry couldn’t cut it but it was all I could do. I honestly meant it as well. I started to get scared at work as threats started coming my way…and in general felt quick sick about it where I started to become scared to come into work. The guy’s state also worried me as I can describe only as being in a state of ‘depression’..where he was withdrawn at work, quiet, wasn’t speaking much to anyone and just kept his head down at the desk. I couldn’t exactly help him either but a part of me was feeling so, so sorry for him and what he was probably through at home. Obviously being the other party I was partially responsible….

Anyway, things seemed to improve with them at home after he had been chucked out numerous times and had blazing rows for ages over the phone at work. He deleted me off facebook and deleted my number and basically covered his tracks. He added a new facebook account however just to speak to me….as he seen me as still his ‘best friend’. I was skeptical but I accepted. I didn’t want any awkwardness to happen at work. He kept on speaking to me quite a bit….and was jokey and friendly though I was worried he almost wanted to try things again. He basically wanted to keep that connection with me….and have me as a really close friend as well as having his family at home. It was hurting me though..and I felt like I couldn’t completely move on which I needed to do to get him out of my system. I didn’t mind being friends and civil but we couldn’t be close friends. I knew where that would lead…So I cooled things off and he noticed me being more ‘distant’….he was cool for a while and everything seemed to be okay for him at home and for us at work…He sent me a ‘closure’ text and had both accepted how things were…

That was until return to work after the Christmas break…and things were more awkward than they have ever been. He seemed to have returned to that state when he first went back to her..He was withdrawn, quiet and seemed pretty depressed. A slight ‘happy new year’ went down like a lead balloon. He hasn’t said two words since our return and I’m left wondering what on earth is going on or what is to happen next?!? guess I’ll give you an update on that one when I know…or if I ever know. Not just me is he being awkward with but everyone so who knows? perhaps he’ll end up leaving his job, but I will be gutted if it comes to that.

So end of story and can honestly say affairs. Well affairs, are deadly, dangerous and not recommended. All it ever does is cause hurt and it not the way to deal with things or escape things in your life. Did we love each other?, did he use me?, does he love her?..so many questions fill up your mind. I still don’t know the answer to them and likely maybe never well. I regret having my part in my affair and would definitely ensure everyone would have a second thought on undertaking an affair. Although affairs are apparently common and so are break up’s/divorces etc. Makes you wonder what is honestly happening in this world. Wish I could go back and re-write my mistakes…but I can’t. Who knows what will happen next…

By Harmony

Cheating.. From A Betrayed Point Of View

Cheating is one thing in a relationship that I expect most people dread, bar a few people who trust their partners unconditionally. But for the majority of us who haven’t found our true soul mate, are just starting out in a new relationship, or dating someone who previously wasn’t all good, we have a niggle that makes us paranoid about our other half finding someone better.

Some of us however remain oblivious, not really thinking that being cheated on could happen to us. We also don’t think we could be capable of cheating, a lot of us say we would never do that.. But then we do and are full of regret.

I have never cheated, the concept used to make me feel sick and wonder how anyone could possibly do it, the thought never crossed my mind. I however, can see how it’s done if you’re not in a happy relationship. I was with someone because he was interested in me, I liked him a lot, don’t get me wrong, but at the time there was someone I’d much rather be with, but couldn’t. So I tried to move on. When I went on a trip to see my best friend I met up with that guy, the temptation to try to be with him was big. But I thought of my boyfriend back home, and thought that I couldn’t do that to him, I’m not that person. No good would have come out of it if I had cheated, my boyfriend would have been hurt, I wouldn’t be able to be with ‘that’ guy either. So I resisted temptation, which brings me to my other point, you can stop yourself, no matter how much you want to do it. You choose to cheat, it doesn’t ‘just happen’, it is a conscious decision.

When I got home after my trip, I texted my boyfriend, he was away too, I’d not heard from him much.. Which was odd. Although we gave each other space, we’d only been going out 3 weeks, so still independent, and taking it slow. I thought he was okay with taking it slow. Until I found out that he had slept with my best friend at the time. When I found out, I was nearly sick, I couldn’t believe it. I know I wasn’t in love with him, but I could have been, I was incredibly fond of him, we had a lot in common and conversation flowed, not to mention the physical attraction.
One of the worst things was, I found out by overhearing a conversation. He didn’t have the balls to tell me, nor did my best friend. Both cowards. I felt like I had been cheated on twice over, once by my boyfriend and 2nd by my best friend. What was going through their minds I’ll never know. He came crawling, saying he never meant it to happen, that he and her had feelings for each other for a while, that it wasn’t just for sex. Well when their sexual encounters only lasted a couple of weeks, I knew it was a lie. I wasn’t ready to go all the way with him after 3 weeks, I was close and if he had been respectful, then it would have been fine. But it shows that he didn’t really care. He was one of those men, he knew how to turn the charm on to get girls into bed, but unfortunately for him, I wasn’t one of those girls, being hurt many times before I had my head screwed on and was determined to save myself until the time was right. I’m a ballsy person, and when I say no.. I mean no. There’s no changing my mind, so the sweet talk and charm may have got me to go out with him, but I had the feeling deep down, that something wasn’t right, that he wasn’t being sincere.

I don’t know what was more painful, being cheated on in my first real relationship.. Or my best friend cheating with him. I think it was pretty equal. It was a friendship that I couldn’t rebuild either, and I cut strings to both him and her, the trust was destroyed. Because I know how easily cheating can be, doesn’t mean they get a free ticket. They consciously did it, they barely felt any sincere guilt afterwards. I came into contact with them a week later, finding out that he had cheated with another girl too. Both him and my friend decided to try to talk to me normally, call me by my nicknames, safe to say that did not go well. I just simply ignored them and rose above it. As tempting as it would be to have shouted, abused and maybe even slapped them, it wasn’t actually worth it.

Being cheated on is one of the most painful things, it’s hard to get over, and it doesn’t help keep your trust in any guy or friend. But you have to remember that not everyone is the same, if you have a bad feeling about it, there’s a 90% chance that your gut instinct is right. Having said that don’t over analyse everything, because you could push your partner away. Never do anything if your partner is pressuring you, even if it means you’d keep them for longer, that isn’t how a relationship should be.

So if you have been cheated on, you’ll be fine, trust will be hard to build again, but that honest and lovely guy is just around the corner, don’t shut yourself off for too long or you might miss him. It’s been around 9 months since that happened and for me it was just another experience and lesson learned for the future. I know to stick to my morals and if he can’t handle it, then he isn’t the guy for me. So keep strong and be happy!

Melody

Going The Distance.. The Very Long Distance

Yep, it’s that blog I said would be coming soon.

Long distance, a controversial subject among the romantic world, one of the most painful ways to have a relationship, and one of the main killers of love.
The controversy that arrises from this is whether to actually have a long distance relationship or not. Some people point-blank say no, others say yes.. I sit in the group that says ‘well it depends on…‘

It is one of the hardest types of relationships to maintain, but I believe if you manage, it makes you stronger as a couple. However,  I also believe if a relationship initially starts off long distance, unforseen problems can arise later when the couple reunite forever. Living long distance doesn’t give you the proper time together most couples get, so you won’t know the other’s habits that might annoy you until you live with them. You may find out when you move in together that you really do just get on eachother’s nerves. But back to the positive, you both will have to build a great deal of trust in order to know that your other half isn’t going off with another guy/girl. Also if the couple reunite, then later have to part ways for work, it will be far easier on both of you to cope.

Unlike the ‘how do I know if he likes me?‘ blog, I am going to talk about my personal experience, rather than giving just all opinions!

I’ve been very close to a long distance relationship.. Twice. The first time I wanted it, the 2nd time I was the cynical one. I’m not going to name names, or give details about the guys, it wouldn’t be fair for them.

The first time ended up in a lot of heartbreak.
I met this guy, we got on like.. What I thought was amazing. He lived over 1000 miles away however, which as you can tell is a LONG way, it certainly puts the long in long distance. Soon after he went home I opened up to him about how much I liked him, that I wanted to try long distance, it would only be for a few months and then I’d move to be closer to him. He turned me down however, saying long distance wouldn’t work and it would be too hard, but he liked me a lot.
At this point I was crushed that he wouldn’t try, but thought he was right and agreed to wait.
Months later we moved in together, nothing happened and he broke my heart. Long story short, turned out he didn’t like me that way at all, ever. My hope and positive attitude towards long distance was shattered before it had a real chance to develop, I thought maybe people weren’t who they seemed if they were too far away.

The 2nd time, is quite a sweet story, there’s a lot of background to it which I will talk about another time.
He was my teenage sweetheart, meeting him at 13 I really liked him, I never told him how much, I then had to move away. (1st time I blew it with him) I never thought I’d see him again, then…
At the age of 19 we got into contact again, our chemistry was amazing and it was a bit of a whirlwind. We agreed to have a long distance relationship for a year before we moved in together. I was scared that the distance would screw it all up though, I wanted to be with him. Although I could personally cope being so far away, the way he wrote and spoke to me, I knew he would find it heartbreaking, I couldn’t do that to him. So I broke it off before it started.
However, I am now full of regret for not even trying, for a long time I felt like he was the ‘one’ and I may have just blown it completely, because I was just trying to be sensible. I wish the previous experience of long distance hadn’t made me so weary, I also wish a lot more of mine and his friends had been more supportive. Many of them said it wouldn’t work, that it wasn’t real relationship etc. Already putting doubt in both of our minds about whether it could really work. You’ll hear more about this guy in future blogs as he is still very much in my life and still the biggest dilemma.

I guess what I’ve learnt is.. To follow your heart and your head, to not listen to the people surrounding you as they don’t always know best.. Don’t shut them out though, they do have your best interests at heart most of the time!
I wish I had tried the long distance with the 2nd guy, it’s been nearly a year since we agreed not to bother, and just to think that we could have had a strong relationship right now breaks my heart. I hope that it isn’t completely gone, but the way things are looking.. I really screwed up. For the 2nd time.

So my advice? Take the opportunity when it arises because you might just miss out on something special. Just make sure:

• You know him in person before starting, online dating is dangerous.
• Make sure you are both honest and trust each other before starting, this is what I believe to be the key to long distance.
• Make sure you are able to communicate frequently.
• Make sure you two can visit each other at least a couple of times a year.
• Most of all, make sure you both fully understand how difficult the long distance will be.. You both have to be committed for it to have a real chance of working.

If anyone wants to share their personal opinions and experiences, please do, this is what this whole blog is about!
By Melody

Love in this Club…or just lust?

I’m sure the majority of us ladies out there have entered a club without intentionally pulling anyone or expecting to meet anyone half decent. Well plenty people do go out with ‘a pull’ in mind..a pulling mission and I must admit I am guilty on that. Yep handcuff me now..it’s a pretty common thing. Clubs/Bars and such like are hot spots to meet other single people out there who want to go and have a good time…Thing is that is probably most (maybe not all) people are looking for on a night out. Fun. And plenty of it. So follow up dates or relationships are pretty uncommon right? Even though I think a lot of women out there, unlike men (the ones with the slightly less orange hue) are actually after for something more as clubs/pubs offer opportunities to meet new ripped, charming, Hawt men…hmm yep maybe more likely in Miami than Scotland but hey the dream is there. Most men only want one thing. Speaking from experience like…Well I’ve been out mostly every weekend since I turned 18 (minus some weekends of skintdome or illness) and pulled various men (sorry about honesty), tall, short, thin, fat(ish), blonde hair, brown hair, black hair, young, too old(ish) etc…etc. Oops. I’d imagine many women out there have done similar things? please say yes. But through all my experience I’ve met hardly no one. Well I have just well met men being men. Out of all the guys I’ve only ever kept in contact with 3….one lasted 2 days, another lasted 24hours and the other lasted about a month (in reference to my previous post aka Numero 1). Nae luck in the club ken?

What I really would like to hear of then is well successful love stories where you have met someone in a club and really clicked and started a relationship from it. Even marriage and the whole works..Does it exist? or have I not been lucky. Alcohol gives you beer goggles too right? So you would think that would somehow distort your perception of someone and even in regards to making an absolute drunken prat of yourself. Alcohol also gives you more confidence though….so perhaps it helps you in regards to meeting the opposite sex.

Where else can you meet the man of your dreams? I mean really….at school it was high school (everyone was pretty immature if you can make yourself think back to then) and guess some people get together and end up with their childhood sweetheart..I’ve long since ruled that one out. Then it’s college/university and there is a wider pool of people to choose from there and everyone (Should) have grown up a bit more by then. The men in my class though are no better than 6 year old’s in terms of maturity and I haven’t met anyone through university. Although apparently statistics show that is where a high percentage of people meet their future other half. Not sure where my other half has gone….Then of course there is the workplace…and don’t mix business with pleasure of course is the saying. How True. I think office romances are complicated and office gossip is deadly. Mix an affair in there and it’s even worse. (more on that later) If it all goes wrong you still have to work with them as well ha so yeah it might not be a paradise. If it all goes right perhaps it will be cloud nine at work…I’m sure plenty people have met their future partner at work. Then that leaves us with clubs/pubs. That’s it. That is the only other place where I could have an opportunity to meet someone…No wonder I’m single then right? So what’s your opinion?, Where do you meet your future partner?

By Harmony

“How Do I Know If He Likes Me?”

That age-old question that continues to have a range of arguable answers, confusing girls worldwide. How I would love to be that person to give all the right answers, of course that isn’t really possible, because there are so many variations of men! Usually however it’s just categorised into summarised groups, such as the shy guys, the confident etc. But obviously there’s more to that. I’m not here in this blog to go into those subcategories, it would take so long!

But how do you know if a guy likes you?

You don’t.

Okay that was slightly blunt! What I mean is, you don’t know for sure until you ask. I can just hear you all now just sighing, likely muttering under your breath “I want him to ask me first” “I want to know for sure before I do” “Isn’t there an easier way?” “What if I get rejected?”

I know. The thought of asking the guy you like what he thinks of you and then openly expressing your feelings is a highly daunting prospect. I’m going to stand up for the guys here, think how they must feel, they have the pressure of asking girls out most of time! Seriously though, hear me out, I might not be an absolute expert, but please!
Here are my reasons to ask a guy first:
1) Confidence: Girls who show initiative and confidence are highly attractive to a lot of men.
Warning: Over confidence is NOT SEXY, you just give off the wrong impression completely.
2) Peace of mind: If you don’t ask him first, you’ll spend weeks, months, even years wondering if he likes you, the sooner you ask the better for you. If he feels the same.. WIN, no wasted time! If he doesn’t, at least you know sooner rather than later, allowing you to get over the rejection faster than if you allowed yourself to get completely besotted.
3) He might be shy: He might be wondering whether to ask you, you might be giving off confusing signals. In the end, he might go ask out a girl that he likes less because she showed a lot more interest and asked him out. Don’t let him be the one that got away because you couldn’t pull yourself together.

I have quite a bit of experience in asking a guy first, so here are some of my personal tips. Of course you don’t have to follow them, this is just from my personal perspective:

• Don’t over think what you are going to say, over thinking will make you way too nervous, you’ll freak out, then your face will break out in spots. Not that it matters, but for some reason when it comes to guys most girls freak out at the site of a blemish!
• Don’t panic, stay calm, you’re not jumping off a cliff. Seriously.
• If you really are worried, practice something you are going to say to a close friend, they will hopefully be honest and tell you if you’re overdoing it.
• Don’t blurt out ‘I love you’ ‘I want your babies’ or ‘Will you marry me?’ that will freak him out, he’d run a mile.. Hell, I would.
• Don’t pressure him, give him time to answer, don’t make him feel bad if he doesn’t feel the same way, you’d look like the lesser person.
• Dress in something that makes you feel confident, don’t dress like a slob, equally don’t dress like you’re going to a club or formal dinner, just look nice.
• If he is a friend of yours, make sure to stress that this won’t affect your friendship if he says no. It shouldn’t affect it, once you’ve been rejected, those feelings go away pretty swift.
• If he’s a guy you’re not friends with particularly, just go for it, you haven’t got much to lose.
• If he says yes, don’t jump around screaming, that isn’t cool.
• If he says no, don’t run away crying, you’re stronger than that.
• Make sure you two are alone when the time comes to have that discussion, there is nothing worse than an interruption. Turn your phone off, in fact say to him that you want to talk to him about something seriously, he might even turn his phone off.. However when you say serious conversation, don’t give the impression he’s in trouble, he will run away.. Again, I would too.
• Most of all just keep it simple, don’t complicate it by saying how much you think about him, or do anything mildly stalker-ish to freak him out. Men are surprisingly easy to weird out, so if you know everything from his favourite colour to food without asking him.. Don’t tell him you know that, seriously keep that to yourself!
• Actually, most of all, just be yourself, but if you’re shy, be a bit more confident. If you’re overly intimidating tone it down a bit!

Just remember, if  he rejects you, he’s not the one for you. Allow yourself to feel a little disappointed, but get right back searching, because that guy IS out there for you! Overall just feel proud of yourself for managing to admit it to him, it will bode well in the future.
If he does say yes, then I wish you all the best!

For those of you who really do lack the confidence, and don’t think you can do it (you can) then… If you think he likes you, but don’t talk to him, you could risk losing him. Sometimes girls aren’t open enough, guys can’t always read us very well, so he may think you don’t like him.. Resulting in him looking elsewhere. TRUST ME you do not want that to happen! If you really can’t stand to ask him, at least give him obvious signals, but I’m going to warn you, that could drag on for a long, long time. You could also ask his friends about him to find out information, or ask your own friends to find out more, but remember you will never know for sure! Try and read the signals you get from him too. I was the girl who used to do that, I googled “how do I know if he likes me?” A LOT. Here are the top 5 signs I agree with, just to finish off the blog:

•  Strong eye contact. Even better if it’s followed by a kind smile.
• If he touches you in a flirtatious way when talking to you.
• Joking with you, or about you.. To you. Of course this can be what male friends do, I tend to find the ones that actually really like you will do everything to backtrack.. So sometimes pretend to be upset by a ‘joke’ see what happens.
• If he talks to you about everything, I mean everything. Maybe not so much when he talks about other girls, he might see you as a friend he can confide in.. Alternately he might try to make you jealous.
• If he is asking your friends if you’re single or trying to find personal information out about you, that is a pretty good sign.

These are my personal opinions, and reflect on experience I’ve had with guys, this doesn’t mean it will work for you, but you never know!
From personal experience, it is one of the toughest things to do, especially when you’re not experienced with men in any way. I was incredibly nervous, but felt so relieved after the air was cleared. You will find out more about my experiences on this level in blogs coming soon, but for now.. Smile, the one is out there for you!

Good luck girls! (:

By Melody!