Going The Distance.. The Very Long Distance

Yep, it’s that blog I said would be coming soon.

Long distance, a controversial subject among the romantic world, one of the most painful ways to have a relationship, and one of the main killers of love.
The controversy that arrises from this is whether to actually have a long distance relationship or not. Some people point-blank say no, others say yes.. I sit in the group that says ‘well it depends on…‘

It is one of the hardest types of relationships to maintain, but I believe if you manage, it makes you stronger as a couple. However,  I also believe if a relationship initially starts off long distance, unforseen problems can arise later when the couple reunite forever. Living long distance doesn’t give you the proper time together most couples get, so you won’t know the other’s habits that might annoy you until you live with them. You may find out when you move in together that you really do just get on eachother’s nerves. But back to the positive, you both will have to build a great deal of trust in order to know that your other half isn’t going off with another guy/girl. Also if the couple reunite, then later have to part ways for work, it will be far easier on both of you to cope.

Unlike the ‘how do I know if he likes me?‘ blog, I am going to talk about my personal experience, rather than giving just all opinions!

I’ve been very close to a long distance relationship.. Twice. The first time I wanted it, the 2nd time I was the cynical one. I’m not going to name names, or give details about the guys, it wouldn’t be fair for them.

The first time ended up in a lot of heartbreak.
I met this guy, we got on like.. What I thought was amazing. He lived over 1000 miles away however, which as you can tell is a LONG way, it certainly puts the long in long distance. Soon after he went home I opened up to him about how much I liked him, that I wanted to try long distance, it would only be for a few months and then I’d move to be closer to him. He turned me down however, saying long distance wouldn’t work and it would be too hard, but he liked me a lot.
At this point I was crushed that he wouldn’t try, but thought he was right and agreed to wait.
Months later we moved in together, nothing happened and he broke my heart. Long story short, turned out he didn’t like me that way at all, ever. My hope and positive attitude towards long distance was shattered before it had a real chance to develop, I thought maybe people weren’t who they seemed if they were too far away.

The 2nd time, is quite a sweet story, there’s a lot of background to it which I will talk about another time.
He was my teenage sweetheart, meeting him at 13 I really liked him, I never told him how much, I then had to move away. (1st time I blew it with him) I never thought I’d see him again, then…
At the age of 19 we got into contact again, our chemistry was amazing and it was a bit of a whirlwind. We agreed to have a long distance relationship for a year before we moved in together. I was scared that the distance would screw it all up though, I wanted to be with him. Although I could personally cope being so far away, the way he wrote and spoke to me, I knew he would find it heartbreaking, I couldn’t do that to him. So I broke it off before it started.
However, I am now full of regret for not even trying, for a long time I felt like he was the ‘one’ and I may have just blown it completely, because I was just trying to be sensible. I wish the previous experience of long distance hadn’t made me so weary, I also wish a lot more of mine and his friends had been more supportive. Many of them said it wouldn’t work, that it wasn’t real relationship etc. Already putting doubt in both of our minds about whether it could really work. You’ll hear more about this guy in future blogs as he is still very much in my life and still the biggest dilemma.

I guess what I’ve learnt is.. To follow your heart and your head, to not listen to the people surrounding you as they don’t always know best.. Don’t shut them out though, they do have your best interests at heart most of the time!
I wish I had tried the long distance with the 2nd guy, it’s been nearly a year since we agreed not to bother, and just to think that we could have had a strong relationship right now breaks my heart. I hope that it isn’t completely gone, but the way things are looking.. I really screwed up. For the 2nd time.

So my advice? Take the opportunity when it arises because you might just miss out on something special. Just make sure:

• You know him in person before starting, online dating is dangerous.
• Make sure you are both honest and trust each other before starting, this is what I believe to be the key to long distance.
• Make sure you are able to communicate frequently.
• Make sure you two can visit each other at least a couple of times a year.
• Most of all, make sure you both fully understand how difficult the long distance will be.. You both have to be committed for it to have a real chance of working.

If anyone wants to share their personal opinions and experiences, please do, this is what this whole blog is about!
By Melody

“How Do I Know If He Likes Me?”

That age-old question that continues to have a range of arguable answers, confusing girls worldwide. How I would love to be that person to give all the right answers, of course that isn’t really possible, because there are so many variations of men! Usually however it’s just categorised into summarised groups, such as the shy guys, the confident etc. But obviously there’s more to that. I’m not here in this blog to go into those subcategories, it would take so long!

But how do you know if a guy likes you?

You don’t.

Okay that was slightly blunt! What I mean is, you don’t know for sure until you ask. I can just hear you all now just sighing, likely muttering under your breath “I want him to ask me first” “I want to know for sure before I do” “Isn’t there an easier way?” “What if I get rejected?”

I know. The thought of asking the guy you like what he thinks of you and then openly expressing your feelings is a highly daunting prospect. I’m going to stand up for the guys here, think how they must feel, they have the pressure of asking girls out most of time! Seriously though, hear me out, I might not be an absolute expert, but please!
Here are my reasons to ask a guy first:
1) Confidence: Girls who show initiative and confidence are highly attractive to a lot of men.
Warning: Over confidence is NOT SEXY, you just give off the wrong impression completely.
2) Peace of mind: If you don’t ask him first, you’ll spend weeks, months, even years wondering if he likes you, the sooner you ask the better for you. If he feels the same.. WIN, no wasted time! If he doesn’t, at least you know sooner rather than later, allowing you to get over the rejection faster than if you allowed yourself to get completely besotted.
3) He might be shy: He might be wondering whether to ask you, you might be giving off confusing signals. In the end, he might go ask out a girl that he likes less because she showed a lot more interest and asked him out. Don’t let him be the one that got away because you couldn’t pull yourself together.

I have quite a bit of experience in asking a guy first, so here are some of my personal tips. Of course you don’t have to follow them, this is just from my personal perspective:

• Don’t over think what you are going to say, over thinking will make you way too nervous, you’ll freak out, then your face will break out in spots. Not that it matters, but for some reason when it comes to guys most girls freak out at the site of a blemish!
• Don’t panic, stay calm, you’re not jumping off a cliff. Seriously.
• If you really are worried, practice something you are going to say to a close friend, they will hopefully be honest and tell you if you’re overdoing it.
• Don’t blurt out ‘I love you’ ‘I want your babies’ or ‘Will you marry me?’ that will freak him out, he’d run a mile.. Hell, I would.
• Don’t pressure him, give him time to answer, don’t make him feel bad if he doesn’t feel the same way, you’d look like the lesser person.
• Dress in something that makes you feel confident, don’t dress like a slob, equally don’t dress like you’re going to a club or formal dinner, just look nice.
• If he is a friend of yours, make sure to stress that this won’t affect your friendship if he says no. It shouldn’t affect it, once you’ve been rejected, those feelings go away pretty swift.
• If he’s a guy you’re not friends with particularly, just go for it, you haven’t got much to lose.
• If he says yes, don’t jump around screaming, that isn’t cool.
• If he says no, don’t run away crying, you’re stronger than that.
• Make sure you two are alone when the time comes to have that discussion, there is nothing worse than an interruption. Turn your phone off, in fact say to him that you want to talk to him about something seriously, he might even turn his phone off.. However when you say serious conversation, don’t give the impression he’s in trouble, he will run away.. Again, I would too.
• Most of all just keep it simple, don’t complicate it by saying how much you think about him, or do anything mildly stalker-ish to freak him out. Men are surprisingly easy to weird out, so if you know everything from his favourite colour to food without asking him.. Don’t tell him you know that, seriously keep that to yourself!
• Actually, most of all, just be yourself, but if you’re shy, be a bit more confident. If you’re overly intimidating tone it down a bit!

Just remember, if  he rejects you, he’s not the one for you. Allow yourself to feel a little disappointed, but get right back searching, because that guy IS out there for you! Overall just feel proud of yourself for managing to admit it to him, it will bode well in the future.
If he does say yes, then I wish you all the best!

For those of you who really do lack the confidence, and don’t think you can do it (you can) then… If you think he likes you, but don’t talk to him, you could risk losing him. Sometimes girls aren’t open enough, guys can’t always read us very well, so he may think you don’t like him.. Resulting in him looking elsewhere. TRUST ME you do not want that to happen! If you really can’t stand to ask him, at least give him obvious signals, but I’m going to warn you, that could drag on for a long, long time. You could also ask his friends about him to find out information, or ask your own friends to find out more, but remember you will never know for sure! Try and read the signals you get from him too. I was the girl who used to do that, I googled “how do I know if he likes me?” A LOT. Here are the top 5 signs I agree with, just to finish off the blog:

•  Strong eye contact. Even better if it’s followed by a kind smile.
• If he touches you in a flirtatious way when talking to you.
• Joking with you, or about you.. To you. Of course this can be what male friends do, I tend to find the ones that actually really like you will do everything to backtrack.. So sometimes pretend to be upset by a ‘joke’ see what happens.
• If he talks to you about everything, I mean everything. Maybe not so much when he talks about other girls, he might see you as a friend he can confide in.. Alternately he might try to make you jealous.
• If he is asking your friends if you’re single or trying to find personal information out about you, that is a pretty good sign.

These are my personal opinions, and reflect on experience I’ve had with guys, this doesn’t mean it will work for you, but you never know!
From personal experience, it is one of the toughest things to do, especially when you’re not experienced with men in any way. I was incredibly nervous, but felt so relieved after the air was cleared. You will find out more about my experiences on this level in blogs coming soon, but for now.. Smile, the one is out there for you!

Good luck girls! (:

By Melody!