Going The Distance.. The Very Long Distance

Yep, it’s that blog I said would be coming soon.

Long distance, a controversial subject among the romantic world, one of the most painful ways to have a relationship, and one of the main killers of love.
The controversy that arrises from this is whether to actually have a long distance relationship or not. Some people point-blank say no, others say yes.. I sit in the group that says ‘well it depends on…‘

It is one of the hardest types of relationships to maintain, but I believe if you manage, it makes you stronger as a couple. However,  I also believe if a relationship initially starts off long distance, unforseen problems can arise later when the couple reunite forever. Living long distance doesn’t give you the proper time together most couples get, so you won’t know the other’s habits that might annoy you until you live with them. You may find out when you move in together that you really do just get on eachother’s nerves. But back to the positive, you both will have to build a great deal of trust in order to know that your other half isn’t going off with another guy/girl. Also if the couple reunite, then later have to part ways for work, it will be far easier on both of you to cope.

Unlike the ‘how do I know if he likes me?‘ blog, I am going to talk about my personal experience, rather than giving just all opinions!

I’ve been very close to a long distance relationship.. Twice. The first time I wanted it, the 2nd time I was the cynical one. I’m not going to name names, or give details about the guys, it wouldn’t be fair for them.

The first time ended up in a lot of heartbreak.
I met this guy, we got on like.. What I thought was amazing. He lived over 1000 miles away however, which as you can tell is a LONG way, it certainly puts the long in long distance. Soon after he went home I opened up to him about how much I liked him, that I wanted to try long distance, it would only be for a few months and then I’d move to be closer to him. He turned me down however, saying long distance wouldn’t work and it would be too hard, but he liked me a lot.
At this point I was crushed that he wouldn’t try, but thought he was right and agreed to wait.
Months later we moved in together, nothing happened and he broke my heart. Long story short, turned out he didn’t like me that way at all, ever. My hope and positive attitude towards long distance was shattered before it had a real chance to develop, I thought maybe people weren’t who they seemed if they were too far away.

The 2nd time, is quite a sweet story, there’s a lot of background to it which I will talk about another time.
He was my teenage sweetheart, meeting him at 13 I really liked him, I never told him how much, I then had to move away. (1st time I blew it with him) I never thought I’d see him again, then…
At the age of 19 we got into contact again, our chemistry was amazing and it was a bit of a whirlwind. We agreed to have a long distance relationship for a year before we moved in together. I was scared that the distance would screw it all up though, I wanted to be with him. Although I could personally cope being so far away, the way he wrote and spoke to me, I knew he would find it heartbreaking, I couldn’t do that to him. So I broke it off before it started.
However, I am now full of regret for not even trying, for a long time I felt like he was the ‘one’ and I may have just blown it completely, because I was just trying to be sensible. I wish the previous experience of long distance hadn’t made me so weary, I also wish a lot more of mine and his friends had been more supportive. Many of them said it wouldn’t work, that it wasn’t real relationship etc. Already putting doubt in both of our minds about whether it could really work. You’ll hear more about this guy in future blogs as he is still very much in my life and still the biggest dilemma.

I guess what I’ve learnt is.. To follow your heart and your head, to not listen to the people surrounding you as they don’t always know best.. Don’t shut them out though, they do have your best interests at heart most of the time!
I wish I had tried the long distance with the 2nd guy, it’s been nearly a year since we agreed not to bother, and just to think that we could have had a strong relationship right now breaks my heart. I hope that it isn’t completely gone, but the way things are looking.. I really screwed up. For the 2nd time.

So my advice? Take the opportunity when it arises because you might just miss out on something special. Just make sure:

• You know him in person before starting, online dating is dangerous.
• Make sure you are both honest and trust each other before starting, this is what I believe to be the key to long distance.
• Make sure you are able to communicate frequently.
• Make sure you two can visit each other at least a couple of times a year.
• Most of all, make sure you both fully understand how difficult the long distance will be.. You both have to be committed for it to have a real chance of working.

If anyone wants to share their personal opinions and experiences, please do, this is what this whole blog is about!
By Melody